Sculptured Pouch Underwear??

In light of my somewhat depressing post of earlier today I’ve decided to post something pretty mindless.

And all that bring us to (drum roll) Sculptured Pouch Underwear! While Fireheart and I were in Concord trying vainly to get some business at the DMV done we decided to go to WalMart to try to get Fire some new work clothes. It was in this bastion of taste and brain damage that I stumbled across Jockey brand Sculptured Pouch Underwear. In fairness, this is also a store that carries a line of clothing called Fashion Scrubs.

Hopefully I didn’t screw the pooch (or pouch) and you can see a picture of JSPU. It is just what it sounds like, underwear with a semi-rigid bulging front for men who wish they were well endowed enough to need such a thing. Now, I like to think that I am not a prude, but there was something disturbing about packaging like this being placed in the full view of children. This unique design enhancement is available in a wide range of styles for men of all tastes.

I am trying to decide what the development meeting looked like where this product was pitched. I am imagining that one really well hung man came up with the idea and no one else had the balls so to speak to point out that the market was probably limited. I don’t own this particular product but from what I could see, and I wasn’t about to go squeezing any packages standing there in WalyWorld, it doesn’t seem that there is enough rigidity to present much of a bulge under ones clothing unless one has the endowments to fill the pouch. This product is designed for men with big bits and men who want to simplify the process of stuffing their underwear with balled up socks. How big a market can this possibly be?

This was one of the only times I had ever been into one of these WalMart SuperCenters and I can tell you it was a truly bizarre experience. As I was standing in the clothing department while Fireheart looked for clothing she could bear to wear in a size that fit her and trying not to marvel at the aforementioned pouch underwear, my eyes kept sliding away to watch the other shoppers going about their business. Not because they were so interesting in and of themselves. Rather, I just couldn’t get over looking at underwear or Fashion Scrubs (real things, look ‘em up online) while fifteen feet away people were shopping for fruit. I don’t mean that gay guys were cruising each other. I mean that the produce section was next to the clothing section. This is a store where you can buy car tires, a shotgun, fabric by the yard, an entertainment center, a pineapple, sculptured underwear, and then get money out from the bank to pay to get your hair and nails done, buy new eye glasses and have portrait photos taken. All without ever leaving the store.

Standing in a WalMart SuperCenter you can easily see why people say bad things about WalMart’s ethics and effect on an area. The place is huge and overwhelming. Many of the items sold in the store are low quality and/or made in places with truly questionable work practices. If WalMart is Satan then the US economy has encouraged us all to sell our mortal souls. Would we love to never go there again? Fuck yes! Unfortunately, with what Summer, Fire and I make, we simply have to do some of our shopping there. Students at Hampshire used to bitch and moan and tell us all never to go there. Of course, it was at Hampshire that I saw a student get out of a brand new BMW with the bumper sticker “I’d rather be smashing imperialism” so go figure.

There are those in and out of the spirit work and pagan communities who say that WalMart is a sign of the rot eating at our society and they may have a point. I think that they miss the bigger picture though. In a world that includes Jockey brand Sculpted Pouch Underwear, don’t we have bigger worries than suppercenters or worldwide terrorism.

Besides, if you bark in a store the size of some town centers people are less likely to notice.